The Insanity Test
by m1347
Summary: The Dark Lord is angry. Why, you might ask? Because a certain Boy-Who-Refuses-to-Die has accused him of insanity. Humor ensues.


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognize. All I own is the plot (what little there is of it, anyways). All rights go to J.K. Rowling.**

**A/N: For those of you who have read the fic with the same title and picture, yes, this is the same one- I just edited some of the spelling and grammar, and I also tweaked the plot a little bit.**

* * *

The Dark Lord was angry. Why, you might ask? Because he had been accused of insanity. Sure, the Potter boy had called him power-hungry, ugly, noseless… But why deny the truth? The thing that really miffed Voldy was that Potter had called him _insane_.

"Bellatrix!" Voldemort called. He needed reassurance that the Potter boy was incorrect on the state of his mental health.

"Yes, my Lord?" asked Bellatrix, eyeing him seductively. It was a well-known fact that Bellatrix had a thing for Lord Voldemort. Unfortunately for Bellatrix, the feeling was not mutual, nor would it ever be.

"Do you think I'm insane?" asked Voldemort, getting straight to the point.

"Of course not, my Lord…" said Bellatrix.

But then, Voldemort realized, Bellatrix was certifiably insane. She'd been a bit odd before Azkaban, but when she came out it soon became apparent that what few strings remained holding her mind together had snapped. So Voldemort went on to Snape. Snape was one of his smartest Death Eaters.

"Severus!" he said.

"Yes?" asked the greasy-haired man.

"Do you think I'm insane?" barked Voldemort.

"Er…" trailed off Snape, avoiding the Dark Lord's eyes tactfully.

"Well?" Voldemort demanded.

"I, er, I just realized, one of my… Erm… Sleeping Draughts is done. I, er, regrettably have to go," said Snape, and he quickly Disapparated. You'd think that having been a spy for Dumbledore for many, many years would've made him a better liar, but alas, it hadn't. Fortunately for him, Voldemort was too busy fuming about "that insolent Potter boy" to notice Severus' awful lying skills.

"LUCIUS!" Voldemort bellowed. By now, he was very upset and really wanted to know whether people thought he was insane or not.

"Y-yes, m-my L-L-Lord?" stuttered the poor, terrified blonde.

"DO YOU THINK I'M INSANE?" Voldemort knew full well that Lucius Malfoy was, after all, standing about two feet away from him and could hear him perfectly well, but he was very upset. Well, that, but mostly he just enjoyed being dramatic. And scaring people.

Lucius flinched. "Er- I-" luckily, Lucius was saved by his wife, Narcissa.

"My Lord! I could not help but overhear that you were questioning your sanity?" she asked.

Normally, Voldemort would have set the woman straight with a few _Crucio_s for such audacity, but she sounded like she had a solution, so he listened. "Yes," he said.

"Well there's an advertisement in the Daily Prophet for an owl-order insanity test! It's free!" she said enthusiastically.

Voldemort smiled, and everyone present tried to shield their eyes- discreetly, of course. The Dark Lord's smile had been known to give even the bravest man on earth nightmares.

* * *

**Later that day…**

Voldemort eagerly opened the envelope that he had just received that said 'INSANITY TEST' in big red letters on the front.

He read the letter. It told him to underline his answer. He read the questions, carefully underlining his answer to each one.

There was a note at the end of the piece of parchment:

_**A professional from St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries will evaluate your form and you will receive an answer within the hour.**_

Voldemort gave it to the owl and threw the poor bird out the window, cackling madly and muttering something like, "I'll show you, Potter… I'm not insane… Mwahahaha… I'll beat you eventually… But _I'm not insane!_"

* * *

**54 minutes and 21 seconds later (not that Voldemort was counting or anything)**

Voldemort opened the letter and it read:

_**YOU ARE CERTIFIABLY INSANE.**_

_**Note: Please visit St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. We have experienced psychiatrists that can help you.**_

Voldemort stared at it in shock and was about to go on a killing rampage at St. Mungo's when Narcissa Malfoy walked by. "You know, you did better than Bellatrix. Her response actually said that they were sending a psychiatrist to the address the owl flew back to immediately," she said casually.

Voldemort spent the entire day gloating about how he was saner than Bellatrix. His Death Eaters knew that this was really not much of an accomplishment, but they went along with it to avoid invoking the wrath of their leader.

And to this day, St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries never has found out where that one psychiatrist went after being sent out in response to an insanity test.


End file.
